Equivalency, Brother
by Freedom Dancer
Summary: Edward Elric. Strong. Dependable. Unbroken. But when it comes down to a fight with a woman who remains nameless, he finds himself shattered, torn, and completely demolished on the inside. Can he face Al when it comes to the night they lost themselves, or will Ed spiral out of control and come to his own demise?


"...And what do you think will happen once you're dead?! Do you think people will remember you, that they won't be able to live without you: that they won't be able to move on when you're gone? Is that what you're so afraid of? Someone not being able to live their life because you're no longer living yours? ...That makes me laugh at your idiocy. For a child prodigy, you're not very smart."

"Shut up! You don't know-"

"-you? I don't know... you? The life you've lived, Edward? I don't know how 'hard' you've had it or how 'rough' you've encountered it to be. Don't be so pathetic, child. You wouldn't have had to have lived this way had you not even attempted to resurrect your deceased mother!"

Ed stared at the floor, tears pricking behind his amber eyes, but he dared not let them fall. Not here. Not now. He wouldn't allow himself to cry in front of someone who would only use his tears, his pain, to their advantage. "Don't pretend to understand me," Ed spat vehemently, his hands clenching into tight fists. "We were young."

"And naive! Two of the stupidest children I do believe I've ever met, and I've met a lot of them. You're even more dull then your father, Hohenheim."

"Don't bring him into this!"

"I just did, Edward... What are you going to do about it? Are you going to get angry and kill me and then bring me back to life because the guilt you feel is unreal?"

A laugh sounded from in the far corner of the room, up on one of the tiers that was fashioned above a large stage. It rang through Ed's ears, and he couldn't help but fall to his knees, clapping his hands, and then slamming them on the ground. "Shut up!" he yelled again, his lips falling into a line and his eyes darkening.

The female from the corner stared down at him, a malicious gleam flickering wildly in her black orbs. Her arms moved up to fold across her chest and she began to walk around Edward in circles. She could tell he was beginning to break, to crumble on the inside, because deep down, he knew everything she said was true. 

"I would never feel guilty about your death," Ed finally bit back. "You're a monster! You don't deserve anything!"

"But everyone and everything deserves equivalency, Edward. At least... That's what you told me. But tell me, Ed; what about the things that don't get equivalency in their short, pathetic lives?"

"Everyone gets equivalency..."

"Now, now, now," the woman tsked, heading towards a spiraling staircase that lead her towards a a ballroom floor. "That's not true."

"And how is it not?!"

"Well, Fullmetal, you're overrated for one thing. But to be totally and completely straight forward, let me ask you a few simple questions... All those men who studied and trained and worked far harder then you did for the State Alchemy Exams; what did they get in payment of failing and not going through to become a certified State Alchemist? And what about a child who's in danger? They scream... They cry... They breathe. They do anything an infant can do to survive. But somehow, a chosen few still lose their life... Where's the equivalency in that, Edward?"

The incessant tapping of the woman's heels finally stopped when she stepped onto the floor, and she stared over at the young boy who was still on his hands and knees trembling. Under his breath, Ed whispered, "I don't know... but I refuse to believe that Equivalent Exchange isn't there... Somewhere... Somewhere it's there!"

"Really, child?" the woman spat, her black brows furrowing together in irritation. "What about Brigadier General Hughes? Nina Tucker? What did they do to deserve dying? ...What about everything you lost trying to bring back your mother?! What about your brother?! Why did he lose everything, while you only lost an arm and a leg? Was that equivalency towards him, that you forced him into doing something that he truly didn't want to do, and then everything was ripped away from him?! Why not from YOU?!"

For the first time in his life, Ed was left speechless. Hurt. Broken. It felt like his chest was swollen and he was forcing himself to keep breathing.

He hated to actually admit it, even if it was in his own mind, but... she was right. What had Alphonse done to deserve losing what he had lost on that fateful night so long ago? The unforgiving nature of the Gate had completely and utterly destroyed Al, but... It had only taken Ed's left leg up about four inches past the knee cap. And to get his brother's soul attached to a suit of armor, he gave up his right arm all the way up to the shoulder blade.

Tears glistened in Ed's shadowed eyes and finally, they began to fall.

They slipped down his face in small, silver rivulets, only to crash to the ground a few moments later.

They distorted the dirt, began turning splotches of it into mud.

What had Alphonse done?!

Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

The woman was right! Equivalent Exchange had taken everything except the younger brother's soul.

Suddenly, a blue light emitted from the ground and that's when it all began...

* * *

For two long weeks, Ed had been laid up in a hospital bed, his golden eyes dull and his lips pursed into a flat line. No one could seem to reach him anymore.  
Every voice was just a sound. Every hand on his shoulder was just a touch. Time ticked by slowly, the nervewracking tick-tock growing only more irritating to Colonel Mustang, who was seated by Edward's bedside. "Fullmetal," he whispered, onyx eyes staring into the empty amber orbs.

He remembered this scene, this look... It was when he first met Edward and offered him to come to Central to try for the State Alchemy exams. But that seemed like centuries ago, even when it was only about four years prior. "Fullmetal, snap out of it! Your brother needs you!"

No one needs me, Ed thought to himself, staring at the unmoving beige wall. All I do is destroy everyone I get close to.

"Fullmetal!" Roy yelled again, his eyes narrowing in anger and... fear. "Damn it, Edward Elric! Say something!"

But only a bird chirping outside could be heard. 

* * *

Before long, a whole month had gone by and the older Elric brother hadn't uttered so much as a word. Everyone had tried something to get him to speak, but all they got was that same saddened gaze locked in on the same spot on the wall. Havoc and Furey had even attempted doing some odd cheerleading with milk to get even the slightest angry glare, but to no avail.

He did nothing.

Night would fall quickly on the hospital and the only soul (aside from Edward's) was Alphonse. On this particular night, Al was sitting down on the floor, directly beneath his brother's stare.

That's when he noticed something strange.

Ed's lips were... moving.

It was like Ed was trying to say something, but he couldn't voice it. He couldn't find the courage to speak.

"Brother?" Al encouraged, heaving his armor up from the floor. "Brother? What is it?"

A hoarse and almost inaudible name slipped passed Ed's lips, but it was still clear whose name he had said.

"Alphonse."

If Al's eyes could have widened in shock, they would have. He rushed over to the bedside and grasped Ed's automail hand in his own. "Brother! Come on! Speak!"

It took Ed for what seemed like ever to finally get out what he wanted to say, and it killed him to ask it, but he did it anyways. "Alphonse... Do you hate me...?"

* * *

After Ed's question, it was like the Elric brothers stopped talking to each other entirely. Al didn't go back by the hospital to see his brother, and the reason was entirely because Ed's question struck something so far down inside of him that it actually hurt. Hearing his only brethren ask him that question... it was like someone was repeatedly stabbing the body he no longer had.

Ed took the answer to his question as a yes since Al no longer came by. Needless to say, he became that of a shell. He only ate and drank when forced and he didn't fight doctors when they came to give him a shot.

Let's just say that Winry finally had enough of Al's clanking lazily around the Rockbell residence, moping about the things he and Edward had done.

And about the question his brother had asked him.

Winry picked up one of her best wrenches and stormed into the living room area where Al was seated on the sofa, staring through the window's glass and outside. "You idiot!" she screamed, rearing her arm back to hit Al.

But the only thing hitting his armor did was send a painful vibration up her arm and into her hand.

A dull 'clang' echoed through the room and Al's head turned, maroon orbs gazing up. "W-Wha- Winry! Are you okay?!" he cried.

"No!" she screamed back, beginning to beat his armor again. "You're an idiot! You're such an idiot, Alphonse! You should have answered Ed! You shouldn't have just _left_ or _stayed quiet_, because all this time, he's been afraid of the answer and he finally got enough courage to _talk to you about __**everything!**_"

The train ride for Alphonse Elric was long, silent. It was pure agony. He, himself, didn't understand why he didn't answer Ed, why he couldn't get the simplest little 'no' out.

But... he just couldn't.

And now, here he was fearing the simple fact that maybe, just maybe, Edward hated him.

"What do you mean he's gone?!" Roy screamed at a young, male doctor who stood rather arrogantly by the doorway to Ed's room.

"I mean exactly that. Last night when I sent one of the nurses to check on him, he had completely vanished. Like he was never there... The bed sheets were folded up. His clothes were folded as well, and placed on the pillow... I don't know what happened..."

"Well find the hell out. NOW."

* * *

"You were wrong," Ed mumbled, tears staining his cheeks. "It does exist... Equivalent Exchange just... just... it is there. It's always there... Somewhere in time, equivalency comes and it makes up for past losses. I found that out the hard way..."

A flurry of snow fell around the Elric brother, before it landed on his clothes and melted into the material. "Are you telling me you still believe in that childish and absurd theory? It isn't-"

"It is real!" Ed interjected, swiping his automail fist to the side. "It's real and I know it! Don't try and tell me otherwise!"

"Mhmm, and what's your equivalency for your brother _hating _you? For your brother just up and _leaving_ you?!"

"Heartbreak... Loneliness... Both of which I deserve for everything I've put him through... And I deserve so much more... So much more pain than even what I feel now."

"Well... more pain can be arranged for you."

A blaze of silver flew through the air...

And then red splattered the wall.

* * *

The lessons I have learned

Somewhere down the road

Have stabbed me in the heart

And they've forced me to let go

And now I'm letting go, oh

* * *

"Brother?! Brother, where are you?!" Al screamed in fear, running through the streets in a frenzy. "Brother, brother, please! I'm sorry! Come back! I could never hate you!" 

* * *

Oh, and all through this lifetime

I've lived this painful life of mine

Holding back all the tears

Forcing back all the heartache

I've listened to the sound of my heart break

A thousand times

* * *

Ed screamed in pain, but he didn't try and fight against the pole now lodged in his stomach. "Equivalency... Right? You indirectly asked for hurt, so I gave it to you." 

* * *

Where's the equal exchange in that

When you're drowning in your own tears

Where's the equality in time

When you never learn to fight your fears

Where's the whole lesson when the lesson's yet to be learned

And I'm still standing in this hurt

Where's it at

* * *

Maybe it was just a dream. A horrible dream that Roy would be able to wake himself up from, but he couldn't manage to open his eyes. Was it going to be like Maes? Was Ed going to go out and get himself killed? Would all of this just end in the blink of an eye? 

* * *

A nightmare's what I'm living in

Being forced to admit to my own sins

I can't wake up

I can't wake up

* * *

Al stood in the middle of the road, snow turning to sleet, and then into cold rain. But... he couldn't feel any of it. "I'm so sorry," he whispered into the fading light of day. "I'm so... so sorry..." 

* * *

Black eyes stared down into dim golden orbs and continued to watch as the life drained from Edward. "Oh, well. Might as well take you to the surface," she laughed. "Envy! Come here, please!"

* * *

Oh, and all of this that I have done

A million nightmares turned to one

And I'm so tired from always being on the run

* * *

Blood trickled onto the sidewalk, leaving a large red puddle beneath a lifeless body. "Brother!" Al screamed. "Broth- BROTHER!"

* * *

Where's the equal exchange in that

When you're drowning in your own tears

Where's the equality in time

When you never learn to fight your fears

Where's the whole lesson when the lesson's yet to be learned

And I'm still standing in this hurt

Where's it at 

* * *

A masquerade of fake smiles and forced laughs echoed through the office belonging to Roy Mustang. Riza stood behind her superior officer with her head down, gun in its holster at her waist, while everyone worked lazily on paperwork. "So... when is it?" Havoc asked quietly.

"Tomorrow at noon... It's beside Hughes..."

All the plastic grins vanished in the blink of an eye... 

* * *

Where's it at  
Where's it at  
Where's it at  
Where's it at  
Too many times I watched myself bleed  
Too many times I have landed on my knees 

* * *

Rose petals... Millions of them fluttered down as officers of the Military raised their guns in a final salute to the fallen Fullmetal Alchemist. It was a ceremony worth seeing, worth hearing. The Anthem of Amestris's Fallen played softly through the breeze, whilst soldiers gathered around a tombstone covered in white flowers. Winry stood next to Pinako, who stood next to Al who no longer wore a suit of armor. No. He had his body back.

Right before Ed passed away, he used Alchemy to open the Gate. In exchange for Al's body, he gave up everything except his body and organs so he couldn't be saved. But so, in turn, his brother could.

Now, Al stood there, bawling his eyes out.

He had no living family anymore.

Hohenheim was on the other side of the Gate.

His mother? Well, she'd been dead for a while.

And now his brother...

The one who helped him overcome everything, who had helped him up when he was falling down, who gave him strength when he had none...

His brother was gone too.

Loud gunshots echoed out from behind him. "It'll be okay, Al," Winry sobbed, clinging to Al's arm. "W-We'll all be okay..."

"No... You might be... But... That was my brother! That was my only brother... He was all I have left... Now there's no one! Nothing!"

"We loved him too, Alphonse Elric," Pinako replied firmly, her beady eyes hidden behind her spectacles. "And we love you as well. You have much more left of Edward then you think..." 

* * *

Where's the equal exchange in that

When you're drowning in your own tears

Where's the equality in time

When you never learn to fight your fears

Where's the whole lesson when the lesson's yet to be learned

And I'm still standing in this hurt

Where's it at 

* * *

Pictures hung from the walls.

Photo albums lined the shelves of Alphonse Elric's home.

It would be three years now since his brother had passed away. Three long, agonizing years that had left Alphonse wondering what would have happened if he had done something differently. He was constantly reminded of him pretty much ignoring Ed by the memories that hung above his bed and sat on his nightstand; and by the photos that dangled off of his refridgerator.

Deep down in his gut though, he felt like he knew Ed was still out there...

Despite seeing his lifeless body lying in a wooden casket before it was buried six feet under, Al had a feeling Edward had somehow managed to fight his way through it.

After all, it was Ed...

"Al, are you coming?" Winry called from the doorway, holding a small infant in her arms.

"O-Oh, yeah!" he stammered, climbing to his legs and heaving on Ed's old combat boots. 

* * *

The train to Munich, Germany was a long one. The young man in the rear car felt as though his right leg had fallen into a coma. There was no 'sleeping leg' to be thought of for sure. He eased a metal hand down towards his calf and groaned when the tension in his muscles began to ease. "So much for a nap," he grumbled to himself, before he eased back in his seat with sadness gleaming in his eyes. "... And so much for going home... I'm sorry... Al... but it was all... it was all for you..."


End file.
